Gamble of the Heart
by itzalliballi
Summary: Post the Daredevil in the Mold! Continuation of the bar scene. Booth is drunk, angry, and has no more dice to throw for Bones, but she stays.
1. Chapter 1

I'm not a gambling man. I'm not. I used to be, but I stopped. I beat it so I could be better for her.

But then, I thought she was the biggest gamble of all. The bet to beat all other bets. So, I put my heart on the line, and threw the dice.

And I lost. Because she didn't want me. Even though she knew that I loved her, she didn't want to give us a chance. And I took it. I swallowed my pride, and I let her go. Because I swore to myself that I was done gambling. That I never won, so I was done.

But then, I went overseas, and I met Hannah.

Hannah, who is beautiful, and funny, and understands how much Bones means to me as my partner. Hannah, who loves Bones.

It was perfect, and I was happy, and then Sweets had to tell me that he didn't want to end up like me. He didn't want to end up in my situation. And I realized that he was right. That something had to change. I had to change, and since Hannah already lived with me, there was only one logical option.

We were in love, it was time to get married. Because she knew me, maybe she didn't know me the way Bones does, but she knew me enough to know what I had to offer.

And I offered her everything I had, and about a year's salary in that diamond ring. And she said no.

She said she wasn't the marrying kind. She said we weren't over, but we were. The minute she said no, we were over. Because you can't go back from that. You can't go back no matter how hard you try.

And then of all the people in the world she had to call, she had to call Bones. Bones, my partner. The woman that I loved before Hannah, the one that turned me down because she couldn't give me what I needed. Because I was asking for more than she could give me. It was too much.

And suddenly she wanted options. Stay or go. Those were the options. They weren't complicated. She could stay and drink, or she could go, and we were done. Because you can't go back. I'm tired of pretending that things never happened. I'm tired of pretending not to be angry that I gave her everything I had, and she threw it away. And then when I found love again, she wanted to talk about regrets. Well, I wasn't having that. I loved Hannah. She wasn't a rebound, she was amazing, and I loved her.

But suddenly, Bones wanted options. I don't even know what other option there is. I can't talk to her about Hannah. It's too hard. Too fresh. Too reminiscent of us. I wouldn't go down that road.

She stayed. I'm not even sure if I wanted her to. But she stayed, so I ordered another round.

My dad was a drunk. He was a mean drunk that seemed to think hurting people was a hobby. But I'm not him. I put bad guys behind bars. Bones and I put bad guys behind bars. I'm not a bad guy. So what is wrong with me that no one wants to be with me? Why isn't my love enough when I offer it? Why is it that women think it's never over, just over for now? My heart doesn't just switch on and off at their command. I'm a good guy. I have a respectable career. I have friends. I have morals. I have respect for women. I would never purposely hurt anyone.

I'm a good man, yet my dad managed to get someone to marry him, and I never have. There is something very wrong about that. Something I don't understand. Of course, Bones wanted to explain it to me. I didn't want to hear about anthropology though. And I definitely don't want to hear about how she loves me too, but she's not the marrying kind either. Why is it that no one I fall in love with is the "marrying kind"?

I take five more shots before I even attempt to speak again. I don't really want to make small talk, but Bones looks at a complete loss at what to do, so I feel compelled to say something. Even though I'm pretty certain it's a terrible idea. Talking just makes me sound bitter and crazy. While I am definitely bitter, I am not crazy. I am just scorned. People get killed all of the time for things a lot less important than turning down a proposal, so I am entitled to my rage. To my rage at Hannah and Bones.

"You don't have to stay, Bones." I sigh, guilt eventually hitting me for forcing her to drink. Just because I'm going to be suffering in the morning doesn't mean she has to. One of us have to be able to keep it together if we get a case. Although, I'm hoping we don't have one for awhile. Not that I'm ever that lucky. Knowing my luck, my phone is about to ring. I ignore the impulse to check. I'm in no condition to be at a crime scene. At least not the cop at a crime scene. Besides, if Hannah has called me, I don't want to know.

"I'm staying, Booth." She insists, and I don't have the heart to argue with her. We're partners. We take care of each other. I'm not about to tell her otherwise. Even if I am bitter. The bartender comes back over, but I wave him off. I don''t think I can take anymore. I cringe as she places a hand over mine. There'd been a time when these moments were the highlights of my days, but I can't enjoy it tonight. "I think you need food. Come on, Booth. Let's go." She places her other hand on my back as she helps me up, and I'm grateful when she's polite enough not to notice my stumble when I stand. I hand over my credit card to the bartender as Bones attempts to keep me standing. Which I can say with a good bit of certainty is not an easy task.

"Thanks Jack!" I force a smile as I sign the tab. I try not to look at the total amount. I will just ride it off as a mistaken purchase, much like the non-returnable ring I threw into the fountain. Both cost me a fortune.

"Take care, Agent Booth." He nods at me, and I want to yell at him that he doesn't know me, so I don't need his pity. It is not his job to pity me. Damn him. I keep silent though, because even I know that he doesn't deserve my bark. Bones, maybe, but not him.

"Bones?" I pout as she walks me to the curb. I'm not exactly ecstatic about leaving both of our cars, but I don't really have much choice in the matter, so I stay silent as she attempts to hail a cab. I can feel the wind blowing against my face, but I try to ignore it the same way I try to pretend that this doesn't remind me of a night years ago when I first confessed my gambling addiction to Bones. The first time we kissed before she disappeared into the night. Like she's probably about to do again.

"Yeah, Booth?" She meets my gaze as the cab pulls right in front of us. I pause for a moment to make sure she isn't about to jump in and leave me stranded, but I know that she won't. Things have changed since that night. We are partners now. Time has been invested. She cares about me now. Hell, she might even love me. Whatever that means anymore. Hell if I know.

"I'm done gambling." I nod to myself as I open the door to let her slide in. I watch her face for some sign of what she's thinking, but there's nothing there to give her away. Or maybe I'm just too drunk to read her. I'm not sure.

"I know." She nods, sliding all the way in so I can follow her. I lay my head back against the seat as I listen to her rattle off her address. I want to argue that I just want to be alone, but again I can't muster the energy to argue when she inevitably disagrees with me, so I stay silent. Besides, I don't know how long it's going to take Hannah to pack up the few things she owns. I should have known she wasn't going to stick around. She packed too light. She made no roots. I don't need another run-in with her. Not tonight. Not ever. She might not think we are done, but we are. She might not be the marrying kind, but I am. I'll be damned if I go down this road again. I'll. Be. Damned.

"Thanks, Bones." I smile as my neck rolls to look at her. Bones. It's a funny name when you think about it. Booooooones. She would laugh with me if I tried, but I just stare at her instead.

"We're partners. Nothing to thank me for." She nods, but I know that she wants to say more.

"You saved me again." She matches my smile this time, and I feel better as I close my eyes. I can feel myself dosing off, but not before she responds.

"We're the center, remember? The center must hold." I am almost certain she's crying, but I give into the haze instead. The alcohol is much too strong to fight.

–

I haven't decided if I'm continuing it. Let me know if I should, please! Thanks!


	2. Awkward Morning After

**A/N: Ok, first can I just say first that I was SO overwhelmed by the positive feedback for this story! I wasn't even going to post it, but my friend (MiseryMaker - who is THE BEST!) told me I should. And thanks to all the love, I'm going to try to continue it. But I have to warn you, I don't know how long it will be, and it could be awhile between updates. Between college, class, and my *seriously* insane family, time is not on my side. But I felt I owed it to all of you to try! Even if it takes me forever! It won't be an epically long story (because I've learned I never finish them) - but it will be a few more chapters! :) Thanks again for all of the support! It means the world to me. And just for a mini-shout out- go read MiseryMaker's stories if you haven't. She's amazing._ *love!*_**

I wince as the sunlight assaults my eyes, and I jump when I realize that I don't remember going to bed the night before. I've been kidnapped one too many times to not keep tabs on such things. I massage my temples as I force myself to focus on my surroundings. It only takes a moment to realize that I'm on Bones' couch. I feel myself relax, but only a little. I try to retrace my steps, but the last thing I remember is Bones showing up at the bar. She must have brought me here, but I don't see her anywhere.

"Bones?" I call out, coughing as my throat constricts; completely dry and desperate to be quenched. I shake my head as I notice the glass of water and aspirin on the side table. That's Bones, always prepared. I smile as I take a sip of the water before swallowing the pills. I lay back down for a few minutes, but I eventually give up on going back to sleep. I have way too many unanswered questions to sleep. Even if I'm not entirely sure I want to know the answers. The truth is always the best option. Even when it hurts. I hope.

I slide my shirt back on, leaving it unbuttoned, as I make my way through the apartment to Bones' room. It's after 10 AM, so I'm pretty certain she's awake, but then again, I don't know what time she went to sleep, so I try to be silent as I push open the already cracked door. I try not to panic immediately when she's not in her bed, but I can feel my blood pressure rise anyway. "BONES!" I call out again, this time with a little more urgency. My stomach sinks at the idea that something happened to her right under my nose, and I'd been too intoxicated to help. No, I can't have that. "Answer me, damn it, Bones!" I leave her room, and make a round through her apartment, but it's more than clear halfway in that she is not there.

I can feel my heart hammering in my chest as I return to the couch to search for my cellphone. It takes a few minutes, but I eventually find it in between the cushions. Obviously I hadn't planned my sleeping arrangement very well if I hadn't even sat my phone down on the table. Then again, I'd had time to take off my shirt. That doesn't calm my nerves any as I press one, which puts me directly through to Bones. I relax when she answers the phone, until I realize that she'd had me in a panic, and then I got angry.

"Where ARE you? I woke up, and you weren't here! I thought.. I thought something happened to you! You can't do that, Bones! Geez! I was freaking out!" I take deep breaths to calm down, but they don't help any as she explains that she'd only been gone a few minutes to go grab breakfast from the diner for us. She'd be back in a minute.

"You could have left a note." I mumble, but I don't put much effort into it. I know she didn't mean to scare me. "See you in a minute, Bones." I quickly hang up the phone before making my way to the bathroom to splash water on my face, and get rid of the awful taste in my mouth. I need to be at least somewhat put together when she comes back. Because I need to look like I'm in control when we talk. I have so many questions. Like how did I get here? And why am I here? And why was my shirt off? I swear to God if the first time I hook up with Bones is when I can't even remember it, I am going to yell. Not that I want to hook up with Bones. Because I don't. And by first, I mean only. Because I moved on. I had to move on. I just ended things with Hannah yesterday. But it's Bones. And well, if there was anyone that could make me forget about Hannah for a little bit, it's Bones. That doesn't mean I want to be one of those guys. But I just... I need to know.

I make my way back to the couch after using a spare toothbrush to rid the taste out of my mouth. Every creak of the floor suddenly seems extremely loud as the inevitable headache sets in. At least it was nice enough to wait until my panic was over. Not that there is ever a good time for a hangover, but when you think your partner is kidnapped is an especially bad time. I blindly fumble for the glass of water as I cover my eyes, knowing I have a long day ahead of me, no matter how this conversation goes.

Reality doesn't wait for me though. I finish the water off quickly, making a mental note to keep hydrated. It's only then that I see the flashing of my phone. Messages. I've been too preoccupied before to pay attention, but I can't ignore life any longer. Despite the fact that I am desperate to do just that.

Eight missed calls, three text messages, and five voice-mails. I put the voice-mails on hold as I click on the text messages. Baby steps, I tell myself, as I brace for the harsh reality of my new status. The first one is from Sweets asking about wedding bells, and I grumble as I delete it. This is all his fault. He can wait to hear the bad news. Maybe by then I will be calm enough not to snap his neck in two. I had a good thing going, and he had to go put all those ideas in my head. About love and commitment, and wanting forever. And then he bailed! When it was his idea! Oh yes, he will definitely pay for this later.

The second message is from Rebecca, asking if I'm still picking up Parker later for the night. Parker. I hadn't even told him about the proposal. It was all so sudden that I got swept into the idea of it without thinking it all the way through. Parker really loved Hannah. After he warmed up to her. He loved her. Maybe not as much as he loves Bones, but I think with time he could have. I just needed more time with her. He's going to be torn up about it, but at least I will have someone to feel sad with me, and this time without the alcohol. I'm swearing off drinking for a long time. I don't even feel like responding to her, as she is part of the reason I'm in this whole predicament now, but I reply anyway. I wouldn't miss seeing Parker for anything. Even if I'm a wreck. Parker always makes me feel better. Something about his smile that just gets me every time. He's a good kid.

The third one is from Hannah, asking me to please call her. That it's important. I delete it instead. She can wait. She surely didn't think I was too important when she ripped my heart out of my chest, and stomped on it in those stiletto heels she loved so much. No, talking to her does not rank on my list of important things I have to do today.

I'm about to check the missed calls, even though I doubt they are from anyone that didn't text me, when Bones walks through the door with a big bag of food that I can smell from the couch. "Mm, smells good, Bones." I smile, momentarily forgetting the fact that I have more questions that I can even think of at the moment. This I know how to do. Breakfast with Bones is normal. I need normal desperately. I manage to clumsily button my shirt as I make my way over to the table. "Morning." I blush, although I'm not sure why I am blushing. It's not like I've never slept on Bones' couch before. Maybe it's just because this is the first time I have no idea how I landed on the couch to begin with, or what happened on it.

"Did you take the aspirin I left for you? You don't look well." If it was anyone else, I would be insulted, but I know that Bones isn't trying to be cruel, so I force a smile instead as I nod. Besides, she did leave me the aspirin. If only it would kick in, that would be great.

"Thanks." I slide into the chair and watch as she separates the pastries onto the two plates, and hands me the largest one. It feels a little too intimate for my comfort, which makes me even more nervous about what happened last night. I clear my throat, which is suddenly dry again, as I look down at the food. "Need me to get drinks?" I ask, desperate to get rid of this tingling in the pit of my stomach. Something is definitely off.

"I brought coffee." She smiles as she hands over the cup, and I force the lump in my throat down. It's not like she's never bought my coffee before, which means I'm definitely over-reacting, but I can't help myself. "I even brought back extra sugar packets for you." She pushes the bag towards me once most of the contents are out, and again I'm struck by how much she obviously remembers, and I can't.

"So, uh, Bones? Why am I here?" I manage a bashful grin as I rub the back of my head. I don't want to offend her, but there are just some things a guy needs to know. The only thing that makes me feels better about this whole situation is that I woke up on the couch, and not her bed, which means even if something started, it stopped. Hopefully, I stopped it. God, I hope so. I know things with Hannah are over, but it still feels much too soon to jump right in with someone new. Even if that someone else is Bones, and isn't really new at all, which is really part of the problem. I would actually feel better if I had woken up in a stranger's house. At least then, I could avoid this awkward conversation asking how I got there. Because I would know. And she wouldn't be silent and stare at me as I wait for an answer. Was it that bad?

"What's the last thing you remember?" She bites her bottom lip, and it's then that I know I'm in trouble. She's debating whether she should lie to me or not, which means there's something to lie about. Again, the odds are not in my favor.

"You showing up at the bar?" I answer, but the more I think about it, even that gets a little fuzzy. I remember seeing her, but I really can't remember us speaking at all. Which only will lead to further embarrassment. I just hope I didn't give any embarrassing speech. But it had to have been pretty bad for her to bring me back here, and not send me back to my place on my own. Unless Hannah told her to bring me here so she could pack, in that case... well I don't know what that means anymore. I just need answers before I can decide.

"That's it? You must have been substantially more intoxicated than I thought." She frowned as she looked down at her food, but she still doesn't touch it. "I think I need to take a shower. I can still smell the alcohol on me from last night, even after I changed clothes. So, you eat while I shower, and then we'll talk, okay?" She says it as a question, but I know that I really have no choice in the matter. You can't make Bones do anything she isn't ready to do. This is something I know better than probably anyone.

"Sure. I'll be here." I wish that wasn't true, but I need to know what happened before I leave- before I see Hannah, or Parker for that matter. And if something did happen, what does that even mean?

"Enjoy the pastries. They were just made fresh. I told Suzanne you weren't feeling well, and she said she wanted to make a pastry specially for you. I don't know how it's any different than the pastries she already had out, but she insisted that it was better. I examined it, but found nothing peculiar about it."

"It was made with love, Bones." I smile genuinely for the first time. One of the few (albeit rare) memories I have of my mother are of her putting cookies in my lunchbox, and telling me they were special because they were made with love. I almost tell Bones this, but I decide against it. I try not to bring up her mother whenever possible. No need for extra awkwardness.

"That's not possible. Love is not an ingredient." She shakes her head, and I can feel myself laugh before I even realize I want to. Her eyes light up with annoyance, which makes it so much better.

"It's an expression.

"How is it that you've heard of all of these expressions, and I've never heard of any of them? I thought I was getting the catch of them. But sometimes they leave me baffled. You can't bake with an emotion. It's not sugar."

"I'll explain another time, Bones. Go shower." I wave her off, and she eventually walks away, while I bite my tongue not to correct her about 'getting the catch'. It would only make her even more annoyed. Although I know she's annoyed that I didn't explain the other to her before. There are just some expressions that are harder to explain than others. I find myself reluctant to explain anything about love to Bones. None of those discussions left me with anything good to show for them. Not a single one.

The pastry settles my stomach more than I thought it would, and by the time I finish with my coffee, Bones is back in the room wearing a pair of loose pajama pants, and some old t-shirt that I can only assume used to be a band shirt, but I, for the life of me, can not distinguish which band it is. The letters are too faded, so I figure the shirt has some sort of sentimental value. I don't ask. "Feel better?" I clear my throat as I force myself to look away. Her skin is still wet, causing the shirt to hug at her curves as droplets of water trail down from her hair that's clipped back, leaving her bangs pushed to the side. It's possibly the most unkempt I have ever seen Bones, and she still looks beautiful.

"Very much. Thank you." She smiles as she sits down on the other side of the table. She doesn't seem to want to have this conversation anymore than I do. I promised myself when Hannah said no that I would stop pretending that things didn't happen though, and I can't go back on that already. Not when it is this important. Not when it comes to Bones.

"So, about last night..." I begin, because I don't think she is going to be the one to start the conversation.

"You were very drunk last night, Booth. You fell asleep in the cab, and so you stayed here so you could sober up." She rattles off the facts so skillfully that I almost believe that's the end of it. Almost. But it can't be. Because she wouldn't have postponed telling me if that was all. I would have still had my shirt on if that was all.

"So I passed out in the cab, and then what?" I prod, starting to feel like I'm interrogating a suspect instead of talking to my partner. Not a feeling I'm happy about, but I know that if I snap at her, she will send me away without any answers. She has all of them. This shouldn't feel so uncommon to me, but it does. Maybe because this isn't about a case. This is my life. If anyone should have all the facts about my life, it's me.

"The cab driver helped get you upstairs, and put you on the couch.

"Bones!" I force myself to stay in my seat. She's stalling, and I don't have time for it. I have to go home and shower before picking up Parker. I have to put a brave face on. I have to pretend that my world didn't fall completely apart last night. I can't do that without the facts.

"Don't do this, Booth." She whispers, and I can feel my heart clinch as her porcelain blue eyes bubble with tears. Tears that I caused. "Some things are better left unknown." She pleads, and it physically hurts to see her this way. But she's wrong. The truth is always better. No matter how much it hurts. No matter how much is twists your stomach like a washcloth after a hot shower.

"I need to know, Bones. You have to tell me. If I did something, God, if I hurt you, I am so sorry. You have to know that I didn't mean to hurt you, right?" My brain begins racing for scraps of memory as the trail of her tears thickens until it's cascading down at all angles down her face. All of this time, I'd been worried something happened, but it hadn't occurred to me that I'd hurt her. She bought me breakfast, and left me an aspirin. I couldn't have hurt her. She would have kicked me out. She would have... I could never hurt her. "What did I do?" My voice cracks as I close my eyes, sinking in shame of things I'm afraid to know.

"You didn't hurt me, Booth. I mean, we didn't fight if that's what you are thinking." She grabs my hand, offering a soft squeeze, and I can feel my stomach go back to it's normal position. "You're not him. You could never be him, Seeley." I force a smile, but even I know that it doesn't take a punch to hurt someone. There are all sorts of ways to hit someone.

"Please, just tell me." I sigh, knowing it's going to hurt. She can try to soften the blow all she wants. It's still going to knock the breath out of me.

"You did fall asleep on the couch, Booth. But, then you woke up."

Shit. It's even worse than I thought.

**Again, please tell me what you think. The reviews are what inspire me to continue. ALSO! For those of you that asked me to address Booth's (for lack of a better word) ass-iness: I definitely plan to address that. Because I don't think he knows that he's been an ass. He's just been in survival mode. So I definitely plan to address that. And I'm so honored that my story inspired you guys to be so passionate about that. It is really awesome.**


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